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After a career spent being constantly outclassed in the intelligence department, Vice President Kamala Harris enjoyed finally being the smartest person in the room during her appearance on ABC’s The View.
The Vice President noticeably relished her newfound status as the resident genius as she dispensed valuable nuggets of wisdom to The View’s awed panel of cohosts, basking in unfamiliar territory as the one everyone was looking to for knowledge and insight.
"My, my, my how the turntables have… done what they have done," Harris said as she presided over a room full of her intellectual inferiors for the first time. "As bearers of knowledge, we must know and bear the type of knowledge that carries around the world to other carriers and bearers of knowledge. It is only at that time that we will know our knowledge. Knowledge is knowing things."
The hosts of The View were amazed as they sat around the Vice President and listened to her brilliant rhetoric. “We heard she was a smart cookie, but now we’ve experienced it firsthand,” said longtime host Joy Behar. “She ran mental circles around us. This woman exhibits true leadership in every aspect, from declaring the southern border secure to admitting she’s ‘scared as heck’ of Donald Trump winning the election, her wisdom is what we all look to. Our panel can’t hope to compete with that.”
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According to sources, the Federal Bureau of Investigation has uncovered a terrifying plot by MAGA extremists to show up at local polling locations across the country this November to vote for their Presidential candidate of choice.
“Make no mistake, these terrorist threats are credible and were confirmed by multiple intelligence sources and FBI field offices,” said FBI Director Christopher Wray to reporters. “We are advising all law enforcement departments to be on high alert for potential MAGA operatives visiting various voting booths this fall to vote for the people they think are the best candidates, such as Trump, even though he is a yucky poophead and I hate him.”
"This threat to democracy cannot be overstated."
Unnamed intelligence sources confirmed that on November 8 of this year, millions of militant MAGA zealots will take a short break from their usual schedule of running small businesses, raising families, and peacefully abiding by the law to infiltrate voting booths and cast votes for the political figures who are their favorites. “Our democracy is hanging by a thread, and we might lose it if we allow all these people to vote according to their beliefs,” said Wray.
At publishing time, the FBI had uncovered another disturbing plot by far-right MAGA agents to support border security.
The one about Kamala was so realistic I didn’t realize it was satire till about the end of the third paragraph!
The one about the FBI is also very believable, since that’s exactly what they’re doing. Demonizing law-abiding citizens who dare to accuse THEM of rigging elections, and demanding accountability!
They expose themselves as guilty by refusing to agree to fair election practices.
The one about Kamala was so realistic I didn’t realize it was satire till about the end of the third paragraph! 